so far so great

it is still astounding to me, how much has happened in 4 months and to be honest, i miss all the memories i left behind. im holding on to so many good memories now. it feels like im passing from one good time to the next, every fucking minute. from representing the school as a ping pong player, having lee zi yan waiting for me on my birthday with a piece of cake in his hands, making intense eye contacts with a lovely crush, getting a follow on instagram by that crush, to going for a state camp in a week ahhh the hotties i saw and will soon see <3 and just to keep yall updated, ive also done shits i thought id never do like replying strangers smiles yeah i replied strangers smiles like finally! lol juliet died for romeo but the most ive done for any guy is smile back and yet im complaining about how single i am lol 

ok so, 2015...im deeply thankful for this phase of my life
*breathes in, breathes out*

ive been meeting so many new faces since then. ive grown to love those new faces which soon became familiar and id love to say that perhaps, right now, im very happy and blessed with whatever i have— a loving family & incredible friends. but to say ive never felt invisible means im bending the truth. in fact, i feel more invisible than ive ever had this time and that feeling isnt strange to me. i wanna feel this way. i wanna be invisible. yes i do love all those familiar faces but i just wanna be unknown. i wanna stop all this "hi how are u" and start a new life as an unknown creature. im tryna shrink this circle of people who are worth keeping and throw away all the people who bring no benefits to me but i dont know how. i feel guilty but then again, everyone knows i never cared about other peoples feelings and that makes me wonder why i still cant let go of this bunch. bunch of people i dont belong with. im clueless.