mother's day

Today is your day. Everyday is, to be precise. 

I know you've given me all your heart but yet I pour you with all my imperfections and colour your life with chaos of trouble. It really isn't my intention to do that but you still accept me for who I am. Wow, I am very fortunate to have you in my life! Ibu, I love you so much. Fuck I don't know the right way to justify it's extremity. And today, I came to realized that you're 'actually' incredible yet unbeatable. You see, the moment I look at your face whilst you wearing a beautiful smile, I feel whole again. Even when I just went through out my breakdown, fall out, depression or when I was about to die. I don't want you to leave, saranghae! 

"Smiles turns into laughs and laughs turn into kisses and before you know it, the days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months. And you'll find yourselves forgetting what it was like before they were in your life "

surrealistically 14

was born perfect

I put my traumatic childhood analogies aside and enjoy the vivid live I've been living for 14 years. Forming memories that I've struggled to remember. Happy isn't mythical and so I smile in silence, now line says without words. hb 2 me

exhausty

im starting to slowly blend in with my concerned classmates. they arent that bad after all..but then, i start to feel the pressure being a student, a rebel child & a friend...excuse me but im not that type of person who would do whatever you command at me cause u know, i have tons of things to do; homework—falling onto my own (summertime) sadness & etc. 

like a fool (i am) if i say ive never felt happy and calm, but there are also some days where i felt so unrealistic and unhappy wah i can feel the obvious veins in my eyes are starting to expose themselves as i typed the word happy. didnt know i was this stressed lol. id be lying if i said i had never thought of escaping from this world. no, im not whining but i cant stand all these people who cant stop talking bad bout me. u see, me too, i dont like hearing things i had taught to not desire. its fine if they dont like me but they dont really needa make everyone hates me too. but i genuinely agree that sometimes, i deserve to be not liked bcs i can be so selfish sometimes—all i could think about is how messed up my feelings that are buried inside when other people had it worse.

well, being a human with extremely unstable emotion, i have my own ups and downs and i know that life is full with trials & exams and all i could do is face whatever hardships im in, impetuously, smiling without any vivid feelings. and i do understand that just because im sad now, doesnt necessarily mean that ill be sad forever. everyone has their own excruciatingly sad moments...

failing. depleted.